Assets
by pastel daisies
Summary: "I've seen you looking at my.. assets... Kakashi-babe.." He was done for. "Well, Ka-ka-shi-kun?" Because a smooth talkin' Sakura and a flustered Kakashi work so well. CRACK. One-shot. KakaSaku.


**A/N:** _Do not read if you do not like KakaSaku. Ok. Btw this pairing is my guilty pleasure, its too hot. Too inappropriate lol. __Anyways, enjoy!__  
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**dolores has nothing on me, babe**

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_"Wanna fuck?"_

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.

.

.

Her words catch him completely off guard. He chokes on his spit and finds himself gasping for breath through the material of his mask. His hands claw at his neck, as he continues to search for air. Reason.

_Explanation perhaps._

Something to tell him why she is _really _stood in his apartment, still clad in her doctors coat and uniform, her eyes clouded over in anticipation.

But the pinkette stood in front of him is cool, adamant, hands perched on her curvy hips. She shoots him a look of amusement. This isn't real, his mind agrees hastily, he is dreaming, one of his perverted dreams. This is just an illusion, it's not-

"Well, Ka-ka-shi-kun?"

He is done for. She rolls his name around her tongue and every syllable hits him like a hot plate. He is speechless, but at least he is no longer choking. For now.

"_S-Sakura!" _He manages in a hasty breath. She clicks her tongue and raises a perfect eyebrow at him in question.

"Hm?" Responds boredly, and he is once more flustered, confused.

"_I-I-" _

"Yes?"

"_Y-YOU-"_

"Spit it out, Kakashi-sensei."

"_WE CAN'T-" _

She cuts him off with a harmonious laugh. She takes a step towards him, and meets his widened gaze with a shrug. She is completely calm, confident. Sure of herself and what she is asking of him. He, on the other hand, could not be more conflicted and completely in shock. Has she gone crazy? Did she completely forget that he had been her _sensei _for _six years? _That there was quite a prominent age gap between them, a large _twelve years?_

Nope, she did not forget.

"Kakashi-sensei." She addresses him in a blank tone. He sits up, trying to regain his composure, and shakily hides his x rated book back in his pouch. That was the least of his problems right now. He is quiet, waiting for her explanation.

"Is that a yes or a no, then?"

He collapses back against the couch and gasps in a breath. He tries to find the will power to speak, but his experience with his porn books makes his mind run wild with every possibility and scenario that saying yes to her could offer. His cheeks burn, and his pants tighten. Kami, she was _mad._

"Sakura, I'm _thirty-one!_" He screeches incredulously. She clicks her tongue once more and tilts her head.

"Yes." She agrees. He wants to claw his eyes out, shove kunai down his throat, douse himself in acid. He _should not _be in this situation!

"And you're _nineteen_!"

She snorts. He is putting up a weak argument.

"Almost twenty, sensei!" She reminds him happily, and he buries his head in his hands. What the hell has he gotten himself into _now? _He wishes that this is just a genjutsu. Yamato playing tricks on him again. Ever since he caught Kakashi staring at Sakura, it's been quite the joke between the two. He sighs.

"We can't, Sakura." His tone is raspy, heavy. He hopes that she will drop this, move on. But she stays, unmoving in front of him. And when he raises his head to look at her, she is still smirking. His jaw drops beneath his mask. She remains silent.

"What's wrong with the guys in your age group?" He cries out in a pleading tone. Anything to swerve her away from this. To save _his _sanity. His pride and honor. _Her innocence. _She shrugs lazily.

"I've had enough of them. They're a bunch of dicks."

He can't help but agree with her on this one.

Sasuke had yet to pull the pole that had been lodged in his ass (_for years_) out, and simply went around the village, sulking and glaring when Sakura paid attention to other men, Naruto was too busy with his Hokage training, Lee was off to train with Gai for the next war (Kakashi couldn't help but snort at this), Neji (whom Sakura had began to actually take a liking to) was dead, Shikamaru, courtesy of Ino, was off the market, Kiba was interested in another girl, Gaara was too far away, and Sai was a walking Ken doll.

Truly, Sakura had it bad. There were seemingly no available guys for her.

"So.. Kakashi-kun... are we going to do it, or not?" Her airy voice cut through the silence and he shivered.

"We can't-" He tried once more, but she took another slow step towards him, lips parted in a sly grin. And then another step. And another with every few words that she spoke.

"Come on now, Kakashi-sensei, I have a lot of _tension _that needs to be _relieved_..."

Step.

_Perhaps he should throw himself in front of a bus._

"...and I know that you're just _dying _to make Pervy sage proud.."

Another step.

_A train. He would stand in front of a train. _

"... I'm _itching _to see what you've learned from those porn books, sensei.."

And another.

_Was it hot in here? He couldn't breathe._

".. and I've seen you looking at my.. _assets_... Kakashi-babe.."

Yet another.

_Was it appropriate to commit seppuku* here?_

"..let me be the Lo-li-ta** to your Humbert Humbert, sweet cheeks."

And-

_Oh hell no. _

"S-SAKU-" He started in a hurried screech, but she was already forcing herself between his legs, hands gripping his knees tightly. He was having trouble breathing. She bent her head down towards his slowly, hot breath fanning her face.

He tried to ignore the cleavage in his face thanks to her top blouse buttons opened, and the high riding skirt on her waist, exposing a pair of creamy, legs. His breath was shallow as her fingers roamed up his thighs towards his hips and she sunk to her knees in front of him. His body would not respond.

_No no no nO NO NO. THIS WAS NOT HAPPENING. _

He began to hyperventilate. Her fingers found his vest zipper and she quickly wrestled him out of it, hands moving to grip the bottom of his shirt. Before he could react any further, she was yanking it up over his head with a low chuckle.

_TOO FAR TOO FAR TOO-_

She pulled down his mask, and a pair of lips found their way onto his open ones. He gasped, aims flailing out as if he were drowning, or falling. Sakura chuckled against his mouth.

"Just enjoy it." She muttered, and he choked once more as her hands roamed the muscles of his chest stomach. He began to plan out his will.

_I'd like my murderer, Hokage Tsunade to speak first at my funeral, and then Gai, and then Yamato. Sasuke can have my limited edition Icha Icha's, perhaps he can put them to use with Sakura, Naruto can have my series to try with the Hyuga girl, Gai can have all of my vests, Yamato my apartment, Chouji can have all of my food-_

Her hands moved down to his stomach, lips biting and nipping his neck.

-_and Sakura can have my body. _He finished quickly.

He snapped out of his horny reverie the moment her fingers traced his hipbones and slowly gripped the hem of his pants. He flailed once more, a scream of terror suddenly welling up in his throat.

_Rape! THIS IS RAPE! _He cried mentally.

Then her felt her fingers on his very obvious erection. He quickly rethought his plan.

_No._

_This is __Heaven._

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_Well he's already going to be murdered by Tsunade anyways, might as well go down with some sugar. _

_._

_._

_"So Kakashi-cakes, what was that about 'we can't'?"_

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**fin**

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**A/N: ***_Seppuku: Seppuku is a form of Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment, originally reserved only for samurai._  
_**"Lolita": Book by Vladimir Nabokov that features an older man falling in love with a young woman (aka a girl owo)._

_It sounded better in my head._


End file.
